Transcript - Billy the Duck

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"Billy the Duck"

Written by Cliff MacGillivray
Songs by Joshua Sitron, Lyrics and Music
Transcribed by Agent0042
(I suppose the moral of this one is "don't judge others before you get to know them." Also-- "you can't believe everything you hear.")


Characters

Adam Rose as Peanut Otter
Jenell Brook Slack as Jelly Otter
Gina Marie Tortorici as Baby Butter Otter

Gwen Shepard as Opal Otter
Chris Phillips as Ernest Otter
Eddie Korbich as Flick Duck
Eddie Korbich as Billy Duck (suspected)
Chris Phillips as Munchy Beaver
Cody Pennes as Pinch Raccoon
Cody Pennes as Scootch Raccoon
Corinne Orr as Shirley Duck


Opal: "Billy the Duck"


(Ominous music plays. Sound of owl hooting. Inside a tent, Peanut, Flick and Munchy wake up.)

Munchy: W-what was that?
Peanut: It's okay, Munchy. It was just an owl.
Munchy: Are y-you sure? Sometimes big, scary monsters say "hoo" too. (Flick starts giggling.) They're tricky.
Peanut: It's okay, Munchy. It's just crickets and bugs and frogs and stuff.
Munchy: I know. It's the "stuff" that scares me.
Flick: Gah, that stuff doesn't scare me.
Peanut: Does anything scare you, Flick?
Flick: (crosses his arms) Nope. Not a thing. (uncrosses his arms) Well, I do remember a time when I was scared for real. I was so scared, I couldn't sleep for a whole month.
Munchy: I hate scary stuff. It's so (shudders) scary.
Flick: Well, nothin's as scary as my cousin, Billy the duck. He's the biggest, meanest kid in the whole world.
Peanut: Really?
Flick: Yeah.
Munchy: Ooh.
Flick: And my mom got a letter from his mom today. (shudders)
Munchy: Is he that bad, Flick?
Flick: (pointing at Munchy) Worse! One time, when I was little, Billy sat on me and wouldn't let me up for like four minutes.
Munchy: (gasps) Really?
Peanut: (skeptically) Uh huh.
Flick: Oh yeah. Billy's one mean duck. The meanest I've ever known. Big mean. Scary mean. Monster mean.
Munchy: (gasps) M-m-monster! Awwwww!


(He points outside the tent. All three scream as a shadowy figure comes in, but it's just Flick's Mom.)


Mrs. Duck: Relax boys, it's me.
Peanut: Oh.
Munchy: Hee hee.
Flick: Hi, Mom.
Peanut: Hi, Mrs. Duck.
Mrs. Duck: I saw your flashlight on and I thought I'd bring you some chocolate milk and babbleberry pie.
Peanut: Mmm, that looks great.
Flick: Oh yeah!
Munchy: Ooh boy.
Flick: I love it! Thanks, Mom!
Peanut: That's the stuff.
Flick: Thanks!
Mrs. Duck: Oh, and Flick?
Flick: Yeah, Mom?
Mrs. Duck: I have some good news for you. (The three start to sip their chocolate milk.) Your Aunt Susie wrote to say that your cousin Billy the duck is coming for a visit, tomorrow. (Flick stops dirnking hastily and spews out his chocolate milk.) Now finish up your treats and get to sleep.
Flick and Munchy: Okay.
Peanut: Yes, Mrs. Duck. (Mrs. Duck leaves.)
Flick: I got chocolate milk up my beak.
Peanut and Munchy: What are you gonna do, Flick?
Flick: Grow a beard for a disguise.
Peanut: Cheer up, Flick. Maybe your cousin Billy's changed.
Flick: Well, sure he has. He's probably gotten bigger and meaner. (Munchy starts to shudder again.) And now he's coming to get me.


(Lightning flashes and three huddle together and shout. Scene change. Jelly nd Munchy are sitting in the grass, playing checkers.)


Jelly: What's Flick's cousin Billy like, Munchy? Do you know?
Munchy: (a wild-west sounding theme plays) Well, one time he sat on Flick and wouldn't let him up for like four hours.
Jelly: Wow.


(Slide-wipe to Jelly and Pinch, sititng on deck chairs, drinking lemonade.)


Pinch: Have you heard anything about Flick's cousin Billy?
Jelly: I heard he sat on Flick for four days. (Pinch gasps.)


(Scootch and Pinch are now playing with blocks outside their houseboat.)


Pinch: I heard that Billy would pretend he was a monster and then jump on Flicka nd stay there for four whole months.


(Scootch gasps, drops his block and puts up his arms. He jumps up and runs off with a "yahhh!," scattering the blocks.)


Scootch: (runs back over to Pinch) Sorry, my fault. Yahhh! (runs off)


(Scootch and Munchy are now making a turtle in the sand.)


Munchy: You heard Flick's cousin Billy uses kids for trampolines?
Scootch: Yah.
Munchy: Really? Wow. And he's gonna be here today?
Scootch: Yahhhh! (runs off, trampling the sand turtle) Sorry, my fault. Yah!


~~~Big, Bad Billy the Duck~~~

[Flick]

Big, bad, Billy the Duck
When he's in town, you're outta luck
As wooly a bully as you've ever seen
He uses kids as a trampoline

[Peanut, Jelly, Butter, Flick, Munchy, Pinch and Scootch]

The wind is blowing Billy this way
He's coming tomorrow
We must leave today

[Flick]

He's big, bad, Billy the Duck
When he's in town, you're outta luck
When you see his bill
Head for the hills
When you see his wings
Stand up and sing

[Peanut, Jelly, Butter, Flick, Munchy, Pinch and Scootch]

Quack, quack, quack
The duck's coming back
Don't find yourself stuck
With big, bad, Billy the Duck

[Flick]

Yuck!


(As the song ends, Scootch points, indicating a boat approaching.)


Flick: I think we should run for the hills while we have the chance!
Peanut: Come on, guys. I think we should all wait and see what Billy's really like.


(A walkway extends and edgy theme plays as Billy, who is wearing a backwards ballcap, descends. Munchy cringes in terror and nibbles on his log nervously. He drops it.)


Munchy: Oops.
Mrs. Duck: (hugging Billy) Welcome to Lake Hoohaw, Billy. You remember your cousin Flick? Kids, I'd like you to meet my nephew, Billy the duck.
Peanut: Well, someone should give him a Lake Hoohaw welcome. I guess that's me. (He steps forward and extends his arm.) Hello! (trips over Munchy's log and falls on his face, knocking Billy into a puddle of mud.) Whoa! (everyone gasps) Uh oh!


(Billy gets up and looks upset. Scene change. The kids are throwing pebbles into a metal can and chattering.)


Peanut: So close. (Throws a bottle cap at it, but it clinks off.) This is not my lucky day.
Munchy: It was going pretty good until you pushed a giant bully into the mud. Ooh, sorry.
Peanut: It was an accident. I tripped.
Munchy: Well, I hope you don't have any more... accidents. (He throws a piece of wood at the can, but misses.)
Peanut: Maybe this lucky monkey cola cap will help.
Munchy: Wow. Is it really lucky?
Butter: Peanut monkey.
Peanut: I don't know. I hear it is. (He tosses it and hits the outside of the can, knocking it over.) Guess not.
Jelly: (rubbing her forehead) Phew. It's hot. Hey, come on, ya'll. Let's go swimming. (She runs off. The others follow.)
Peanut: All right!
Munchy: I wanna swim too.
Pinch: I'll go get my mom's permission. Hoohaw!


(Everyone has left. Billy finds Peanut's "lucky" cola cap. He picks it up and tosses it in the air a couple of times. Scene change. Peanut, Flick, Munchy and Butter are playing outside. Peanut is being swung on a tire swing.)


Peanut: Hmm. Has Billy mentioned our little accident this morning?
Flick: No. I think he's planning how to get you back.
Peanut: He said that?
Flick: Not exactly. But that's what I'd be doin' if someone pushed me in the mud.
Peanut: It was an accident!
Munchy: Uh oh! Here comes trouble.
Flick: I've seen that look before. (shakes his head) That's definitely not his happy look.
Munchy: What are you gonna do, Peanut?
Flick: Peanut? (Peanut has left and is now hiding behind some rocks.)
Butter: (playing with stuffed toys) Hee hee hee hee. (runs up and hugs Billy) Brilly!
Billy: Uh, hi. Where's your friend?
Flick and Munchy: (pointing in opposite directions) He went that way!
Munchy: We'll tell him you're looking for him. Heh heh.
Billy: Don't worry. I'll catch up with him sooner or later. (He walks away.)
Butter: Bye-bye. (waves)
Flick and Munchy: Oh man.


(Scene change. Peanut is walking past the Duck Family houseboat when Billy shows up. Peanut gasps and starts to run away. Billy follows and Peanut picks up the pace, starting to pant. He runs up to his Dad's houseboat, where Butter is playing with a rubber ball.)


Mrs. Duck: Yoo-hoo! Flick! Billy! Supper!
Billy: Hmm. (He walks off.)
Peanut: What am I gonna do?
Butter: Peanut monkey. Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee.
Peanut: Huh?


(Scene change. Peanut, Jelly, Butter, Flick and Munchy are sitting together in a circle in the grass.)


Peanut: I can't keep running away from him for the rest of my life.
Flick: (yawns) I'm so afraid, I haven't slept a wink.
Jelly: Hey, I know. I think it's time for a noodle dance.


(She hops up and starts dancing. The Noodle Dance background appears and the Noodle Dance music begins playing.)


Jelly: Maybe we can figure out what to do about a bully.
Butter: Noodle!
Munchy: (outside of the Noodle Dance) Well, here goes nothing.
Peanut: You think I can hide and dance at the same time? (dons a pair of sunglasses)


Noodle, use your noodle
Noodle, use your noodle
Noodle, do the Noodle Dance


Jelly: I've got it! Maybe we could trick Billy into getting into a rocket ship and then blast it off into deep deep space. Something like that.
Peanut: How 'bout we just send me off in a big old rocket ship. (unbeknownst to the others, Butter has walked off)
Flick: Hey, what if Peanut gave him a bunch of candy? You know, as a way to get Billy not to cream ya'? (He imagines Peanut pulling up with a truck full of candy.)
Peanut: There's gotta be another way to keep Billy from beating me up.
Jelly: Hey, I know. You can tell him not to.
Peanut: Tell him? You've seen him. You've heard how tough he is. He's gonna beat me up!
Jelly: He'll listen and we'll be right behind you, won't we? (Flick and Munchy shake their heads "no" vigorously.) Won't we? (they nod)


(Scene change. Butter approaches Billy, who is reading a comic book, and throws him the ball from earlier.)


Butter: Hee hee hee. Hee hee hee.


(Billy throws the ball back. The others approach him.)


Peanut: Excuse me, Billy, sir? I-I know you wanna beat me up, but before you do, I wanna tell you something.
Billy: Beat you up? What are you talking about?
Peanut: Isn't that why you've been following me around?
Billy: (shakes his head) No. I was trying to give you this back. (holds up the Lucky Monkey Cola cap) You dropped it.
Peanut: My Lucky Monkey Cola cap. But how'd you know it was mine?
Billy: Butter told me.
Butter: (pointing) Peanut monkey, Peanut monkey. Tee-hee-hee-hee.
Peanut: Wow. I mean, thank you. But aren't you mad about being pushed into the mud puddle?
Billy: Nah, I knew it was an accident. It's no big deal.
Peanut: So you're not a bully?
Billy: Bully? Ah ha ha ha ha. What makes you said that?
Peanut: Flick said that when he was little, you sat on him and wouldn't let him up for like four minutes.
Munchy: Days.
Pinch: Months.
Billy: What?! Oh yeah, I remember. (thought bubble appears over his head) Flick wanted to play horsey. Heh heh. I told him I was too big, but he wouldn't believe me. So I got on his back and he got squished for like a second.
Peanut: Eh heh heh heh heh. Really?
Flick: Oh yeah, now I remember. My mistake. Sorry.
Billy: That's all right, Flick.
Peanut: Billy, I'm sorry I thought bad things about you. (holds out his hand) Friends?
Billy: Friends. (They shake on it and Billy gives back the cap.)
Peanut: (holding it up) I guess my monkey cola cap is lucky after all. (all cheer)
Billy: It sure is!


(Scene change to the Otter family household. It's getting late-- the sun is setting.)


Opal: Well, Peanut, you sure seem happy tonight.
Jelly: That's because we all made a new friend today.
Butter: Brilly!
Peanut: Yeah, Billy's not a bully after all.


~~~Good Old Billy the Duck~~~

[Peanut]

Good ol' Billy the Duck
If he's your friend
Then you're in luck

[Jelly]

We used to think he was a bully
Now that really seems quite silly

[Peanut, Jelly, Butter, Flick, Opal and Ernest]

We're in luck
With good old Billy the Duck
Good old Billy the Duck
Good old Billy the Duck.



Billy: (opening the door) Uh, are you guys gonna come out to the tent, or what?
Jelly: What's goin' on, Billy?
Billy: Well, it's a little scary out here. Even for a bully. (He chuckles and all laugh.)
Flick: Get it. Bully? Billy? Ah, I quack myself up. Oh, "quack," get it? Ha ha ha ha ha!